there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm both gender and math confused
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
