you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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