Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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