Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
