Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
