scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize