You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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