did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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