Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
