I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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