its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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