if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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