my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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