I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
