i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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