your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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