u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
