i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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