Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize