I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
