I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
