I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
