I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
