Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
