it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize