I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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