it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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