My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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