she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
