it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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