I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
