Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
