Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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