I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
