My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
