I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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