the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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