We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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