I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
