You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
