$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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