Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
