Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
