Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
