a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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