Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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