I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The power of my boobs compel you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
