I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
