did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize