as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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