Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
