Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He kissed a someone with a penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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