why didn't you poke me back
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hippo gnu deer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
