I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
