Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
