It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
