my mouth tastes like poor choices
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have aggressive nipples.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
