My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
