she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
