So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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