his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
