He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
