I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
